Her Proclivity Towards Sweets
by Queenofthemausoleum
Summary: There is more to Misa than you ever knew...Misa/L, Light bashing and lemon later on. :
1. In Which We Meet Misa

Misa shuddered whenever she thought about Light, his coldness to her, the fact that he was using her. She knew she should break it off, stop acting like a clingy five year old and tell the world they were the Kiras.

Everything she did was an act. Everything she did was so she could continue to kill the ones who murdered her parents before she could, oh yes, she hated her parents. They forced her to pose in front of ogling photographers who always tried to make a move on her before she killed them with her notebook, they forced her to go into showbiz so they could brag about her to other people, _'oh, have you heard, our daughter is Misa Misa!"_ , she had to follow because, goddammit, she was underage and they always kept watch on her. Her father, entering her room at night when he thought she was sleeping…

She was thinking about killing them when someone else did.

That day she entered the kitchen to find them with bullet holes in their foreheads, and inside she laughed and was the _happiest_ she'd ever been in her life, and outside she cried and put on an act( one of the best she'd ever done) and thought that it was lucky for her that she was an _actress._

So she continued to do showbiz because without her parents monitoring her every move she found that she actually enjoyed it. And so she could track down who killed her parents so she could maybe thank them and then kill them.

But as years passed she found she didn't care about that so much, after all, she was going to kill them anyway wasn't she? and was going to forget about it when she saw Kira.

She wanted to talk with him, with someone else she could freely talk to about her death note. And maybe to find out how to destroy it, she wasn't sure how Rem would feel if she asked her. She hated talking to her in public because then everyone stared and wondered why Misa Misa was talking to herself.

So she decided to put on an act for him. After all, how could she be sure that he was someone she would want to talk to about in-depth things? And oh, how lucky she was that she did. Misa tried not to think about what could have happened if she was herself around him.

Sometimes it was a gift, she thinks. A gift and a curse, both intelligence and her death note. Being intelligent meant that you could figure out things quicker, but it just raged at her insides when other people looked down at you because they thought they were smarter. Like _someone _she knew.

"Light-kun!" she squeals (and inside she wishes his face would crack off), " Misa Misa wants a date! Light-kun never goes on a date with Misa, so she is bored!!" she brushes his hand and looks up at him adoringly to stop herself from looking at the man next to him with messy black hair and a proclivity towards sweets.

"Not now, Misa. I'm busy," he replies, not taking his eyes off the computer screen, and she barely stops herself from spinning around in delight. " Go find something else to do."

Misa pouts at him and flounces out of the room but gets the feeling that Ryuzaki is watching her go.


	2. Her Past

(note-thanks Wounded Shell Of Myself:), I was about to just go on with the story but then you made me realize I should get into her past first. this chapter clears up a lot of things.)

(and also I'm sorry if this seems unrealistic, but people can be cruel. Crueler than what i wrote below.)

* * *

She remembers, in the dark moments she has for herself, her parents.

"You lying bitch! You expect me to believe your father is doing that?! What a horrible child!" Her mother backhands her on the face before kicking her in the ribs. Her mother, who sometimes took her on shopping sprees and once bought her a kitten but then threw it out after it made a mess on her clothes. She curls up and remains limp as her mother beats her. One thing she's learned not to do is fight back.

(Ever since she was little she could see people's names above their head and a date. What did it mean? She never told anyone because who would believe her?)

The house is a prison. There are cameras everywhere, and her mother has assigned a 'bodyguard' to follow her _wherever_ she goes. Even the shower. There is no privacy for Misa. She has no phone to call for help, no one to help her.

Until she received the death note.

She remembers the moments agonizing over whether or not she should kill her parents (I will not be like them, I will never be like them) but finally happy that she has a friend. And finally relieved that she now can confirm what the strange numbers above people's head were. (she thought it might have been their death time-but since only one person died on the date she saw she was never completely sure)

Of course, Rem cannot help her much either- Rem would die if she saved Misa's life. Rem can't be there every single moment of the day to protect her. But at least there is someone to talk to. (Rem speculates that Gelus might have given her his shinigami eyes, and Misa feels sorry for the poor shinigami who fell in love with her)

She told Rem to never stay with her after dark. Ever. Misa doesn't want Rem to watch. Her father strangling her as he thrusts inside of her, making her bleed until there is no more blood left. Her _father_ forcing her to sleep with important businessmen so he could earn more money, more friends. Beating her when he was drunk, cutting her with knives, holding her head underwater until she passed out. Weren't fathers supposed to protect you?

She screamed and screamed. (Soon, just wait a little more)

She felt her will to live slip away, until one day she refused to struggle while her father held her underwater (For being a 'bad girl').

Her father cursed and threw her to the floor. He took out his lighter and started burning her with it, ignoring her screams and kicks. She passed out, the last sight she saw was her father videotaping her. (They are going to die soon. You can wait it out)

Things continued like that, eventually she got used to it. She'd have conversations with Rem by writing (since her body guard was always with her, except when her father told them to go away) in a notebook her questions and thoughts and Rem would answer.

The debate continued. Kill them or not? The date on her parent's heads was soon-very soon, in fact. Did it matter if she killed them herself or not?

She killed the photographers and models that made moves on her because she couldn't let them see the scars on her body. Her parents would kill her before the police would help her, or they would use their connections to prevent the police from helping. And if even one person touched her she wasn't sure she would still be sane. She wasn't sure she could stop herself from breaking down and killing everyone in a bout if insanity.

She tried to spare their lives. When pretending to be lesbian didn't deter them from pursuing her, and their demands became more and more angry ( and her bodyguard didn't do a thing to help), when they looked at her with the same eyes her father looked at her with, her hand moved on its own and they died. Just like that. So easy to end a life, with all its dreams and hopes and wishes.

And she was so selfish. She wanted to live. Doesn't everyone? She would not become like her parents. She will not. Don't become inhumane, forgive and forget (But I can't! Someone help! Please!)-wait, well, Misa is already inhumane. Misa is never going to go to heaven or hell. Misa is a murderer. No I will not kill, but-remember the things your father did to you?

Nevermind. Misa is going to kill them painfully, she is going to kill them and then everything will be alright. Maybe. Finally. No the date is coming up soon be _patient_.

And then someone else killed them.

Coming home one day to find blood leaking out of their foreheads, and her bodyguard ran out leaving her all alone. There is no one to see you. There is no one to watch you anymore.

Misa was…free. She danced around the kitchen, she spun and laughed until her feet bled and the blood mixed in with those of her parents. She was crying and laughing at the same time.

She burned the cameras that watched her; she burned all the records of her treatment at the hands of her parents. She burned everything. Then she called the police.

What could they have done? She was only 14. Send her to a psychiatrist, they said. And Misa acted the part and eventually was done with the psychiatrist's treatment. She'd never ever tell anyone what happened.

She resided over her parent's funeral, the tears sliding down her face acting in place of laughter.

Misa sailed through school and got admitted to collage early, got a doctor's degree. (Part of her felt guilty; still, for the people she killed). She still continued with showbiz, but disguised herself drastically (she wore a fat suit) to work at the hospital. She wrote a few papers, earned a few awards, but still continued modeling. And no one knew any better.

Misa never really thinks about her parents anymore. (I mean, why think about something that happened so long ago?). She doesn't need to dwell on things like that, but when she has a moment or two to herself her mind sometimes begins the spin towards the dark matter in her past.

She knows it was a mistake to become so embroiled with Light and the whole Kira mess.

Why was she still with Light? Because she needed to stop him. At least sacrificing a few people was better than the inevitable sacrifice of freedom it would cost the human race if Light Yagami were to rise to power, she thinks. But she needs to act fast.

She hates herself for acting so dumb (she might have overdone it) but she cannot really do anything. Light is just as smart as her. Smarter, maybe. And so she needs to keep careful watch on herself and keep watch on Light's plans and motives.

What to do?


	3. The Events Leading Up To

If you have any questions (the next few chapters are going to clear the questions up) the please tell me! i might have missed something:)

this is for you RivalAdmirer18:) sorry but i didn't read the book with beyond birthday , so, sorry, no beyond birthday in this story:)

also i will elaborate more in the later chapters too:)

* * *

Her plan to make contact with Kira was one that would raise questions about her trustworthiness, and about theirs. Was it better to be as she was, or to act less intelligent?

In the end Misa decided it was better to appear unintelligent, if she appeared intelligent and Kira was not trustworthy then she could not go back to where she was before and she (most likely) would have made a dangerous enemy.

So she contacted them in the way a person with less-than-average intelligence would do- it was something insanely stupid (it could fall apart so easily) but it was a game of luck and chance-

She had to kill again. What other way was there to attract Kira?

Misa went for long walks with Rem, who pointed out the would-be murderers, the ones who made life as miserable at their home as it was for hers, the ones who were going to die in a short time ( she merely wrote the cause of death as a heart attack, she did not tamper with their remaining life) and she steeled herself and wrote in the notebook once more. Once she was in this deep there was no point in stopping.

She had to see who Kira was first. Disguising herself, seeing him from afar, and Rem bent over and whispered in her ear to be careful.

She'd seen it all play out in her mind, vicariously. She could feel that something was not right about his being Kira, she could feel him getting swallowed up in the power a death note gave him. Misa felt something so very wrong with him and a death note-so she decided to keep tabs on him.

Meeting him at his house, pretending that she liked him (after all, he was only, what, 19? And weren't 19 year old boys hormonal?). She had never viewed her body as attractive, but she knew how to use it to her advantage. Smiling at him, acting so idiotic (never mind, she was overdoing it-how thoughtless of her), blinking her eyes wide open shut open shut. And he was falling for her act oh so slightly- after all, of course she couldn't expect him to fall in love with her; she'd have to act smarter for that to happen, but she noticed the slight bulge in his jeans.

And Ryuk. Ryuk was laughing silently whenever Light turned his back on him. Of course Ryuk could tell Misa was acting, Light had no inkling what Misa was doing, even though _she was a famous actress._ Was he really as smart as she thought he was?

No. He was a dangerous person to ignore. There was always a slight gleam in his eye when he knew something, no matter what he did Misa could always see it if only for a brief moment. She was a better actor than him, she'd had her whole life to practice. And the fact that Ryuk was laughing at Light merely supported the fact that Light really had no idea what Misa was up to. He was so clueless she wanted to slap him.

"Misa, get the shinigami eyes for me. You love me, don't you?" Light said to her one day, smiling at her with ugly flat eyes. She refrained herself from calling him an idiot (she gave herself points every time she refrained from insulting him), instead looking up at him adoringly and agreeing to his order.

Rem looked at Light pityingly.

(Misa would have long talks with Ryuk and Rem whenever there was time, and inclination to do so. They would talk about life, humans, and apples. They always ended up talking about apples.)

Misa knew that Light was no moron. She needed to scope out the general area of things she could and could not do around Light, see how perceptive he really was (so far it was not showing much promise) and, for the meantime, be his lackey. She could not let anyone else be subject to his cruelty, his madness. Her madness still enabled her to see reason, his did not.

He could never be a god, _because he could only kill._ Why couldn't he see that?

For the time being, she masqueraded as the second Kira. There was not really anything else she could do.

L who was the only one who treated her as an equal despite the fact that everyone thought she was stupid. She remembered the day she met him, his pale skin, the shadows under his eyes. The sunny day, her favorite kind, and they locked eyes and she sucked in an unneeded breath. (What was that breath for?)

She knew he was someone she could trust. His eyes, which held no disgust, lust, or anything for her. He merely observed her with detached eyes, emotional eyes, but eyes she could never read. He knew her secret.

So then it was certain she would be the third player in this game of chess.

* * *

Yes im going to try to follow the events of the manga as close as i can, so for those of you that wonder,it was a mistake i made that misa met rem early on, thanks aiushtha for telling me about that:).


	4. Some Messy Black Hair

ok. ive decided im only going to base the story on the manga by what i know. that translates as mistakes here and there, things happening at diffrent times, etc.

* * *

Misa kept her poker face on as she looked into L's eyes. Yes, he knew her secret, _but which one?_ He nodded his head slightly at her, giving her a knowing glance, then introduced himself as Ryuzaki. An obviously fake name, but she noticed Light looking at her meaningfully so she used her shinigami eyes.

L Lawliet, the name read above Ryuzaki's head.

It was impossible that he knew about her doctor's degree- she'd bribed and seduced to get the fake id which would withstand even the toughest of government checkups- for all anyone knew; Joy Liu was just another person with just another doctor's degree. In no way connected with Misa Amane.

And yet- it was possible he knew about her past, there were some things she wasn't able to get rid of-the memories of her maids, for instance. Not that they knew the full extent of what happened, but they were bound to have noticed the bruises and cuts on her. She'd bribed them to never speak about it, and threatened them, but it was possible that their tongues loosened. Not that there would have been any more evidence other than their testimonies.

He could also know her secret about her act-after all, she was an actress so anyone with half a brain might have figured it out. She'd sensed that he was someone to trust- even though he had his own poker face there was no gleam in his eyes like Light's.

She played along with his charade then left.

They passed each other in the hallway later that day, she'd motioned for him to follow her outside, and eventually they sat down at a bench.

" So…I hear you are looking for Kira?" she starts off with small talk.

"Yes," he scrutinizes her. " Will you help?"

_So did he know about her act? _" What could I possibly do?" she opens her eyes wider. "I'm no genius."

"On the contrary, Misa. You are more perceptive than you seem."

_The he does know, to an extent. _"I guess there is no more faking, then. But are you sure that I am smart enough to help you?"

"You have influence," Ryuzaki murmurs.

" I need something in exchange, though." She isn't about to fully stop her act, the less he knew the better.

"What is it?"

She inches closer to him, a coy smile on her lips (actions like these are just too easy for her to do) , to gauge his reaction. He stiffens slightly. _Hmm…_

"It's nothing much," _Is he a patient man?_ She stalls. "I'll tell you when you have it."

In response, he raises his eyebrows but says nothing. She looks him in the eye, an unspoken agreement passes between them, and then he voices it aloud.

"I think we have a deal then."

_Try to fool me_, his eyes say, _And you will regret it._

_So he knows-or thinks he knows-that I am not at all as ignorant as I pretend to be? To the extent that he would agree to this without knowing what I want? Or perhaps he is planning to not give it to me? _

She smiles at him.

_Whether he will give it to me or not does not matter._

"And if I am Kira?" she asks. "You're positive I'm not Kira?"

"The likelihood that Light is Kira is marginally higher," Ryuzaki leans back on the bench. "But…I have a feeling you are more responsible."

_Is he playing games with me, or is he sincere?_

"You'll have to convince the others."

"I can do that..." He looks apologetic as he says this. Why? "There is no other way to alleviate my-and their- suspicion." He didn't tell her what was going to happen to her.

She spent the next week in a straitjacket.

During that uncomfortable week, she spent her days formulating plans and backup plans. Rem kept her company, which was thoughtful of her, but since Misa couldn't say anything back there wasn't really any reason for Rem to be there with her. However, this was a chance to see how Ryuzaki reacted to the unknown.

She'd told Rem before to do something like this when Ryuzaki was not otherwise occupied and had his full attention on her, wherever she was. After all, it made sense that he would be the one to monitor her.

Just a little flick of a hair, such a little thing, it could have been attributed to a draft (which would have been impossible in any case in the room she was in now), or even a trick of the mind. But who would have guessed his reaction?

He gasped, leaning forward while grabbing the seat of his chair. The look in his eyes, Rem had told her, was full of undisguised horror and shock.

Who would have thought? So, the man entirely trusted his senses and was open-minded...

* * *

muahaha. i wonder what misa wants? (actually, im not even entirely sure myselfXD)


	5. Postit Notes

Yerk. I am sorry this is so late, but i sat down and made myself write this...

* * *

He didn't mention anything about it when she got out, but she thought she could detect a faint uneasiness in him. From the uncertain look in his eyes when he let her out of the straightjacket, as if he was afraid that whatever had moved her hair would come after him-but Rem looked at her and shook her head wryly indicating that no harm would come to Ryuzaki despite his treatment of her that week. Rem did, however, stick a post-it note on Ryuzaki's back saying 'Kick me', and Matsuda happily obliged.

"Ryuzaki," Misa sobbed. "Ryuzaki, I wanna go outside! Please!"

The rest of the task force let her (she was their pet, and after she'd disguised herself accordingly) and when she opted to hold hands with Ryuzaki instead of the handcuffs she found that she liked the soft warmth of it.

Of course, when she suggested that they go to the ice-cream shop Ryuzaki's feet picked up. There was some tension gone now that there was no way she'd be recognized as Misa Amane dressed as the way she was now...no blond wig or skimpy dress.

Ryuzaki sat down first, ordering the quintuple-chocolate-vanilla-cherry-banana-fudge sundae. And a triple-strawberry-malt shake.

"How do you never gain weight eating all those sweets?" It was a mystery to the entire task force, and Ryuzaki's mouth would always be too full to answer coherently.

He paused, thinking carefully. "I…don't eat anything else?"

"You-" Suddenly Misa's doctor self kicked in. " That's-You are so unhealthy! You need to take better care of yourself or you won't get enough c!-crap, you're going to die early!"

_Oh shit. She'd almost gone off on a tangent about the chemical compounds the human body needed…_

"I won't get enough crap?" He looked confused.

"Well…that's basically what you're eating."

He cocked his head to the right, desserts forgotten. "Enlighten me…?"

She huffed exasperatingly. " Well, I only eat all-natural things _and _I'm vegan, so it's good for the environment-" So let him think she was a health-freak. "-plus I cook all my own food so I only put _natural _ingredients in it. That's why I have my own cooking show." She thought for a second. "But you're going to get fat and get greasy hair and be disgusting! Also you will grow a beer belly!"

He looked at her for a moment and laughed. Ryuzaki _laughed. _It was something so unexpected that all Misa could do was stare at him.

Something about the way he was laughing made her intensely sad all of a sudden. It was the kind of laugh that was bereft of worry, or artifice. And even though his hygiene regime was questionable, he looked as if all he drank was coffee, and though he probably had no social life whatsoever, she realized she was _jealous_ of him.


	6. Emerging

This was a dangerous game she was playing.

As an actor, one needs to connect with the part. A big, hulking, angry man cannot play the part of a whimpering, spineless weakling-and likewise, one cannot play the part of a hyperactive young girl unless…

Misa covered herself in blankets to thwart the security cameras as she took her mask off-she sat, hugging her knees to stop the trembling.

Who was she now? Who had she ever been?

(To be successful, the viewers must like her image.)

But when had it started? She was no longer a young girl, that she was sure of. (Had she ever been one?).

She forced herself to think back to the time her parents were alive…

**FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK**

"Oh, you look so cute, Misa!" Her mother clapped her hands as she looked at Misa dressed in gothic Lolita clothing. "My baby!"

Misa simply nodded and tried to smile. She looked in the mirror, and was surprised to see that her smile looked genuine enough. Yes, she did look pretty, and the makeup covered the bruises her mother refused to acknowledge…she looked like some small porcelain doll. No wonder her mother treated her like a pet.

"Now, Misa, we're going to a party tonight and you're coming along! Oh, you're going to outshine all the other girls there!"

"Is it my-my debut?"

"Oh yes! You're 12 now, so you're old enough! The same age as me when _I _debuted!"

At the party, Rem silently holds Misa's hand as other men grope her shamelessly, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and she pretends they are talking to her in French and that she is responding in return, exchanging pleasantries and speaking of nothing more complicated than the weather.

"What's wrong with you?" The man asks her angrily as she doesn't respond to his had gripping her butt. "I thought you liked this when I did it before!"

Too late she realizes that her mask has fallen off, and she quickly pulls down somewhere deep inside of her to make it get back on. _You like this man you like this man youlikethisman now smilesmilesmile!_ She tells herself.

And surprisingly, she finds that the happy light has gone back into her eyes and that the man before her has gone from disgusting to pleasant. She giggles coyly and he smirks. Out of the corner of her eye she sees a pair of eyes looking at her sadly, and notices that it is a young boy with black hair. Without anyone noticing, she manages to shake her head at him and he reluctantly stops watching her.

"Misa Misa thinks you're going too fast." She crosses her arms over herself playfully while wondering who the boy was. "Misa Misa will now go dance with someone else for now." And she turns her nose up and flounces away, Rem's hand gripping her arm tightly as the only sign that she knows something has changed with Misa.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

And so far, she'd learned to control herself, to not get carried away with her personality swings. It almost seemed as if there were two different people sharing the same body at the exact same time, her body acting on its own but her mind staying aware of her surroundings.

But it seemed as if she might be losing control just a little.

_So, _she thought to herself. _This means I don't have much time.

* * *

_

authors note: It's been so long since i've updated that i can't stick to the story as i originally planned. theres not going to be a drastic change, but there will be some changes that wont match up with previous chapters( which i will try to rewrite accordingly ).:) so just a heads up, okay?:D_  
_


End file.
